Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Australians

They are put here for a purpose. We English are, to borrow from Poo Bah in The Mikado, ‘born sneering’. Especially members of our Establishment. They can burn the paint off a door with a haughty look. I once saw an English DSS Inspector halt a furious, out of control complainee in Bromley dole office with a withering, raised eyebrow.

I have worked with lots of Aussies. Newspaper offices are full of them. Have you ever tried English pomposity with an Australian? Just as your high horse is pawing the sky on hind legs, reaching its zenith they laugh. Or worse, blow a raspberry or fart Waltzing Matilda.

Most deflating.

Their purpose here is to be a drag anchor when the English get all hoity toity. (I love that. Always wanted to use it. I mean..where on earth did it come from? Hoity toity?)

This role of English pomp pricking should be for Americans. The original 'money alone is status' race. But Yanks are so in awe of our class system. They can’t do it.

So we have Australians. And not just Rupert Murdoch, the Aussie ubermeister of them all. I mean the line Aussies you meet in a pub. When you start in with your top line, “of course, my aunt Emilia knew Queen Victoria,” little marsupial flaps come down over their ears. They drift off-message with chants about Ricky Ponting, whoever he is.

(I know who he is..I’m trying to be pompous.)

Except when it comes to cricket.

One mention of the ashes and they turn all English. Have you noticed? They actually get pompous. They are so sure of themselves they lord it over us like English aristocrats.

And that’s the problem. When it comes to cricket they ARE aristocrats.

Ps. You think you can swim until you swim with an Australian. They are like dolphins.

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